Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) had unduly pessimistic, gloomy ideas on love and relationships. The study of his ideas in this respect serves an educational purpose because it enables us to learn from Schopenhauer’s mistakes.
Schopenhauer’s theory of the will (“life force”) underlies his views on love and relationships. This theory predicates that the will is constantly driving all living creatures towards survival, reproduction, and pleasure, without paying attention to the cost and risks involved.
From this perspective, Schopenhauer viewed love as driven by the will, which he described as a blind, irrational force. His definition of love is linked to the instinctual nature of the will.
According to Schopenhauer, the expression “love is blind” should be replaced by “the will makes you blind and prompts you to make counterproductive choices.” Emotional overdrive leads to infatuation, heartbreak, divorce, harsh reactions.
Scepticism in Schopenhauer’s views on love
I categorize Schopenhauer’s view of romantic love as highly sceptical. On most occasions, he argued, loves are deluded by the will. The fool themselves into believing that love will bring them enduring satisfaction and happiness but endurance is rare.
Schopenhauer described love as a turbulent, wild, unbridled desire for the possession of the beloved, often unrelated to the characteristics (personality, mentality, desires) of the beloved.
When individuals fall under the spell of the will, they find it difficult to break free and make good decisions. Schopenhauer outlined this idea in his principal work “The world as will and representation,” published in 1818.
According to Schopenhauer, love (“intense attraction”) does not have any other goal than the perpetuation of the species. It is totally and completely driven by the will, he argues. He does not consider relevant any aspects than instincts.
Unfortunately, Schopenhauer failed to consider emotional, intellectual, psychological and cultural aspects in relationships. His view of love is, to put it mildly, rather simplistic. However, he was right in observing that vast numbers of relationships are ending badly.
Schopenhauer’s views on relationships and suffering
Love begins with a period of intense fervour and adoration, observed Schopenhauer, but very often, will lead to suffering. I must point out that Schopenhauer sometimes formulates this idea as “love will inevitably lead to suffering.” The use of the word “inevitably” shows how pessimistic he was in this area.
Reality proves Schopenhauer wrong once and again. You’ll find examples that contradict his theory if you look around. He theorized that most people lose interest in a relationship after they have achieved the procreation goal dictated by the will.
He should have talked to couples that have been married a very long time, and tried to understand how their love remains after the initial passion has faded.
Schopenhauer prognosticated that suffering typically ensues after the initial passion has faded. Why? Because individuals, after procreation, realize that they do not really like each other so much.
Then they are forced to confront the harsh realities of life, such as living together, raising the baby they have conceived, and keeping their household finances organized. Schopenhauer referred to intense passion as a process that worsens over time.
Schopenhauer’s views on marriage
In “Parerga and Paralipomena” (1851), he compared love to a story that starts with a rose that has a thorn, and ends up as a collection of thorns without a rose. No wonder that, with these views, Schopenhauer never married.
Nonetheless, Schopenhauer had nothing against marriage as an institution. He regarded marriage as a well-intended legal construct, which is necessary to establish clear rules for taking care of children, family law, and inheritance.
Without the institution of marriage, society would be worse off because chaotic property situations would ensue. I couldn’t agree more in this respect. You only need to look at societies in which marriage loses ground, and see the dire consequences.
Schopenhauer’s theory of the will leads to placing excessive emphasis on procreation as a driver of long-term relationships. There are many other aspects that lead people to stay together, maintain loving relationships, and help each other for decades.
Critique of Schopenhauer’s views on love
I do not share Schopenhauer’s views on love as a “transient illusion” driven by the will; he devoted a large part of his work to showing how to channel and minimize the dire influence of the will, but he forgot to apply his own advice to relationships.
In contrast to Schopenhauer’s remarks, it’s perfectly feasible for individuals to make good choices in relationships. People are not cattle driven by unconscious forces to engage in rituals that cause suffering down the road.
Schopenhauer was wrong when he wrote that love (“intense passion”) leads individuals into unions that ultimately result in suffering. He had witnessed cases that confirmed his theory but had overlooked many other cases that prove the contrary.
The errors committed by Schopenhauer in his vision of love and relationships could have been avoided. Schopenhauer only had to apply in this area the prescriptions he had given in other areas. I am referring to self-awareness, prudence and foresight.
If you interested in applying rational philosophy to every area of your life, I recommend you my book “Rationality is the way to happiness.”