The ideas of Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) on love and relationships contain fundamental mistakes. Schopenhauer did not devoted to these matters sufficient attention. As a result, his observations and conclusions leave a lot to be desired.

His conception of love and relationships is instinctual. They are driven by the will (“life force”), argues Schopenhauer, and this explains why people to behave erratically when they fall in love. The will prompts them to pursue the beloved at any cost, and without thinking of the long-term consequences.

Schopenhauer drew the wrong conclusion and rated all love relationships as doomed. He assumed that the dire influence of the will could not be counteracted and corrected, while in other areas, he had devised sound strategies to address exactly those same problems.

Errors in Schopenhauer’s views on love relationships

A strong refutation of Schopenhauer’s romantic pessimism can be found in the works of the Ancient Roman author Ovid (43 BC–17 AD). His work “The art of love” addresses all the issues identified by Schopenhauer and offers proven solutions.

Schopenhauer regarded it as very difficult to build lasting love relationships. He claimed to have witnessed first-hand the natural deterioration of relationships when the infatuation goes away. His views of marriage were equally negative.

Ovid’s approach to love was the exact opposite. He viewed relationships with a sense of joy, playfulness and celebration. It wasn’t a chore to court the beloved, but a wonderful challenge. Setbacks are not bitter, Ovid argued, as long as we regard them as learning experiences.

In the area of love, Schopenhauer had lost his philosophical objectivity due to his bad experience with Caroline Richter. It’s widely known that their relationships ended bitterly, leaving an unpleasant aftermath.

Oversimplification in Schopenhauer’s views on love

Unfortunately, Schopenhauer did not regard the whole story as a learning experience and moved on to the next relationship. He devoted too much time to reliving the suffering, bitterness, and disappointments. He emerged from the affair with negative feelings that lasted a lifetime.

In contrast, Ovid considered success in love as the result of techniques that can be cultivated and mastered. He was already forty-four years old when he wrote “The art of love.” His goal was to put into writing principles and techniques that had taken him decades to learn.

Ovid provides practical advice to individuals looking for a love relationship; he elaborates in great detail how to meet new people, how to increase one’s social circle, how to flirt, etc. I’m using modern terminology. Of course, Ovid didn’t use the word “flirting” but employed other terms with a similar meaning.

Schopenhauer criticized people for having highly unrealistic expectations of love relationships, but he was the first to lose touch with reality. His theory of the will, which depicts love as an instinctual drive, overlooks intellectual, emotional, cultural, and religious factors.

By oversimplifying love relationships, Schopenhauer made it impossible for himself to succeed in that area. It’s not enough to acknowledge the existence of problems and lament that they are severe. It’s not enough to complain that life is too hard.

Success despite Schopenhauer’s views on relationships

In order to succeed in any area (in this case, in the area of love relationships), one needs to assess potential solutions and select the most promising. Unfortunately, Schopenhauer failed to do so.

You’ll learn much more about love relationships from Ovid than from Schopenhauer. It does not matter that Ovid lived and wrote twenty-one centuries ago. His principles are true and his advice is well-meant and solid.

Ovid regarded success in love as a craft that can be learned. His book “The art of love” outlines the stages of romance and provides advice on mindset, clothes and the right words to use. I can only encourage you to read Ovid’s works, preferably in modern translation.

While Schopenhauer had grown bitter by his failure to win Caroline Richter, Ovid gives proven strategies for surmounting disappointments and setbacks in love.

Ovid’s conception of marriage is realistic and fair. It gives a detailed description of problems, without exaggerating them. It maintains an optimistic attitude, states that the problems can be solved, and puts forward possible solutions.

The missing element in Schopenhauer’s views on love

In contrast to Schopenhauer’s simplistic views of love and relationships, Ovid described a good marriage as “a meeting of two minds, two hearts and two souls.” His wording truthful, beautiful, and sensitive.

Ovid was sophisticated enough to realize that an intellectual and emotional connection is needed for a successful marriage. He argued that love can be enhanced thorough shared moral values and shared interests in specific subjects or activities.

Schopenhauer was wrong in painting a gloomy picture of all love relationships. His pessimistic forecast will become true if you let the will control your life and lead you stray. Luckily, it is possible to steer away from those mistakes.

How do you increase the chances of having a successful and long-lasting relationship? I find the following observation from Ovid particularly important: Long-lasting relationships rely on mutual respect and appreciation.

Ovid rightly pointed out that long-lasting love relationships and marriages share many of the characteristics of long-lasting friendships. That’s a particularly accurate observation.

I find in Ovid’s works a thorough refutation of the errors committed by Schopenhauer in the area of love relationships. Nevertheless, those errors do not diminish the merits of Schopenhauer’s philosophy in other areas.

If you are interested in applying rational ideas to your own life here and now, I recommend you my book “Rationality is the way to happiness.”