What if I told you the biggest obstacle to personal growth… is pushing too hard for personal growth?

Sounds backwards, right?

But that’s exactly what the 16th-century philosopher Michel de Montaigne figured out.

Most people think that personal growth means endless introspection. Journaling for hours. Analysing every emotion. Constantly asking, “Who am I?”

Montaigne thought that approach misses the point.

His idea was surprisingly simple: we don’t discover ourselves by staring inward. We discover ourselves by expressing ourselves.

When we write down our thoughts. When we have real conversations. When we travel, read books, or create something.

The moment we put our ideas into the world, we start seeing who we really are.

Even our friendships become mirrors of our souls.

The right people don’t just support us—they reveal our values and parts of our souls that we cannot see on our own.

But Montaigne also warned about something that feels incredibly modern.

If we are constantly surrounded by noise, opinions and random socialising, we will struggle to hear our own thoughts.

That’s why he believed that regular periods of solitude are a necessity, not a luxury.

Montaigne did not mean disappearing from the world forever.

He meant creating enough silence to figure out which ideas are actually ours… and which we have borrowed from everyone else.

Later thinkers like Emerson explained that regular periods of solitude can help us find our inner voice.

But solitude is not enough for personal growth.

So what’s the missing piece?

According to Montaigne, personal growth does not come from solitude and reflection alone.

It comes from building real skills.

Learning. Practising. Testing our ideas against reality.

Because we don’t become wiser only by thinking.

We become wiser by thinking… and then doing.

The real path to personal growth requires regular periods of solitude and then plenty of real-world practice.

Personal growth comes from expressing ourselves, learning relentlessly, and letting reality teach us we are.

If you are interested in applying rational ideas in all sorts of situations, I recommend my book “The 10 Principles of Rational Living.”