When it comes to dealing with failure and disappointments, Taoist insights are often misunderstood. They are presented as “letting go” and “forget about it,” but those formulations lack a crucial element, namely, the need to move from plan A to plan B, that is, from setbacks to recovery.

In Chapter 3 of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-Tzu warns us against hoarding wealth, ostentatiously displaying our possessions, or being obsessed with fame. Arrogant behaviour can only create envy and enmity, not harmony and friendship.

Nonetheless, Lao-Tzu’s recommendation is not giving away all our possessions and living in abject misery. He is not telling us to “let go” and renounce all pleasures. No, he is advising us to lead a simple life, not a miserable one.

If we extrapolate Lao-Tzu’s advice to other areas, we should hold reasonable ambitions, not renounce them all; similarly, we should take good care of our family and friends, not let go of all relationships; and we should sensibly protect our health, not let go of all restraints and jeopardize it.

In contrast to medieval Christian monasticism, Taoism does not call for letting go of the world. Neither Lao-Tzu, nor Yang-Tzu nor Chuang-Tzu recommend us to remove ourselves from the world and live in the desert or in some monastery.

The Tao Te Ching and “letting go”

The Taoist willingness to yield should be balanced by self-reliance; the Taoist desire for peace should be balanced by the determination to survive; and Taoist benevolence should not go beyond the limits dictated by common sense.

In Taoism, there is no generalized “letting go” under which one could bury the pain of failure, disappointments, errors and setbacks. I consider it extremely important to dispel this myth.

Indeed, there is no Taoist magic formula that enables us to categorize bad experiences as neutral, or catastrophes as minor inconveniences. Lao-Tzu, Yang-Tzu and Chuang-Tzu favoured realism and rationality, not delusion and escapism.

When Chuang-Tzu advised us to “let go” of foolish people, he wasn’t denying their capacity to inflict damage and generate chaos of all sorts; his recommendation to “let go” was intended to enhance our self-protection, not to deny threatening facts.

Chapter 8 of the Tao Te Ching explains the precise meaning of “letting go” in Taoism. It defines wise individuals as those who “act in harmony with the present moment.” Their decision to “let go” of a detrimental course of action rests on a truthful perception of reality, not on wishful thinking.

If a plan is failing to deliver the desired results, Taoists will acknowledge the problem and figure out a solution. They will not pretend that “letting go” of their plan is going to bring them closer to the goal. The whole point of “letting go” in Taoism is to move from plan A to plan B, from paralysis to effectiveness.

Lao-Tzu on failure and disappointments

Chapter 8 of the Tao Te Ching exhorts us to “build our house on solid ground” and “live in accordance with the nature of the world.” Those words express Lao-Tzu’s encouragement for “letting go” of bad investments and misguided projects.

If we are building our relationships, health, finances, home, or business incorrectly, we should stop digging and change our course of action. We should “let go” of the failed approach and proceed to “build our house on solid ground.”

Taoists regard “letting go” as discarding a failed plan A and adopting a plan B that enables them “to live in accordance with the nature of the world.” Lao-Tzu taught us to face reality even if it means accepting the pain of failure and disappointments.

I consider the readiness to acknowledge failure as one of the key strengths of Taoism. Some philosophies encourage people to keep going irrespective of setbacks, hoping for a miracle or some other form of divine intervention. That’s not the approach favoured by Lao-Tzu,Yang-Tzu and Chuang-Tzu.

In Chapter 78 of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-Tzu affirms as self-evident that “yielding will always triumph over rigidity.” If we acknowledge threats and mistakes, we are yielding to reality. It would be foolish to ignore the facts and maintain our course of action.

Rigidity and narrow-mindedness will only render problems worse, more painful and more expensive. In the short-term, we may succeed in fooling ourselves, pretending that everything is fine; but in the long term, issues will compound and eventually attain a size where they can no longer be solved satisfactorily.

The Taoist reaction to setbacks

The determination to let go of mistakes shapes the writings of Lao-Tzu and Chuang-Tzu, and can lead to fairly abrupt, fast changes in one’s course of action. Thus, it is no wonder if some people will perceive Taoists as undiplomatic or individualistic.

Especially in human relations, Taoists are capable of quick, ruthless, abrupt turnarounds as a result of realizing that they’ve made a mistake. For instance, when they realize that someone has betrayed their confidence or engaged in harmful, unethical behaviour.

While other philosophies favour forgiveness, reconciliation, and keeping up the appearances, Taoists will make a complete turnaround. Instead of ignoring or justifying the problem, they will face it without delay and change their course of action.

When Taoists “let go” of past friendships, projects or plans, it does not mean that they will become hostile or aggressive. In spite of the loss (financial or emotional), Taoists will stay cool, detached and polite.

Instead of blaming the world in general or some third party in particular, Taoists will blame themselves for having made a wrong choice in the past. They should have figured out earlier that their plan, project or friendship was not going to work.

For Taoists, the process of “letting go” starts with accepting the facts and acknowledging one’s own mistakes. The lessons should be learned thoroughly, so that they are not repeated. It is good, in any case, to count the bitter experience as a blessing that will enable us to make better decisions in the future.

In contrast to other philosophies, Taoists have no concern or desire for extensive debates. They won’t waste time explaining to other people why plan A should be discontinued and plan B immediately adopted.

For Taoists, the first and final arbiter is reality, not societal approval. When it comes to our own life, we should relinquish plan A and embrace plan B as soon as the mistake has become patent. There is no need to wait for the rest of the world to see the truth and second our views.

One could argue that, in some situations, we do need to talk extensively with partners or stakeholders before adopting plans that might disrupt their lives. Fair enough: some cases require special care, sensitivity and consensus, but they constitute the exception rather than the rule.

In Chapter 22 of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-Tzu states that wise individuals “become a model for the world when they embrace the Tao.” It means that Taoists prefer to preach by example, not by participating in endless discussions.

When Taoists “let go” of plan A and adopt plan B without delay, their environment may react with surprise and hostility, but when plan B achieves spectacular success, it will become “a model for the world.”

If you are interested in putting effective insights into daily practice, I recommend my book titled “Rational living, rational working.”