Aristotle addressed friendship in his “Nicomachean Ethics.” He viewed friendship as indispensable for leading a happy life, but identified three types of friendships: those based on utility, those based on pleasure, and those based on shared values or virtues. The latter is by far the most valuable.
Friendships of utility are based on mutual interest. People collaborate with each other for a myriad of reasons, which are not necessarily linked to business or making money.
Business partners constitute an example of the Aristotelian “friendship based on utility” but the same can be said of people who join a tennis club because they enjoy play tennis, or even neighbours in a large building.
They collaborate in running a business, playing a tennis or football match, maintaining the common areas in a building, or exchanging little favours amongst neighbours.
Those friendships are based on tic for tac. If those persons did not have a shared interest, they might perhaps not even talk to each other. If their common interest disappears, those people will grow apart very quickly and their friendship will wane.
In contrast, friendships of pleasure arise from enjoying each other’s company. For instance, when a group of youths gather every Saturday night to go out. They tell each other stories and jokes, and have a good time.
However, friendships of pleasure tend to remain superficial and temporary. They don’t last long because there are no based on strong intellectual and emotional connections. They deliver some pleasure, but lack depth and endurance power.
The role of moral values in Aristotle’s view on friendship
The third type identified by Aristotle are friendships based on shared moral values or virtues. Aristotle calls them “perfect friendships,” especially when those values or virtues are hard to achieve.
Friends that share common values will feel genuine respect, generosity and admiration towards each other. They will gladly devote their energies and material resources to helping friends because they see them as contributors to a common cause.
These friendships rest on the personality and values of the persons involved. They tend to be strong and enduring. They’ll often last a lifetime, and if they end, it’s because the concerned person has changed his personality or moral values.
Nonetheless, Aristotle was wrong in saying that friendships based on shared values take time to develop. In fact, they grow extremely quickly. Once people recognize each other’s loyalty to values they admire, the emotional connection can be almost immediate.
The phenomenon of “fans” and “followers” in social media illustrates the speed and depth of those emotional connections. When people find a thought leader with whom they identify, their support and loyalty can be immense.
Rationality and Aristotle’s view on friendship
In contrast to friendships for utility or pleasure, those based on shared values will generate a genuinely desire to enhance the friend’s well-being. The willingness to help can materialize in providing advice, lending money, cars, vacation homes, etc.
Note that under the category “shared values,” Aristotle was meaning friendships based on rational values such as courage and honesty. He didn’t regard evil ideas such as exploitation or racism as values.
People who share evil ideas may admire and help each other but are they friends in the Aristotelian sense? No, they are not. They cannot be viewed as friends because their ideas will lead them to self-destruction, not to happiness.
Individuals who share rational values and virtues will grow wiser and more effective over time; conversely, people who are pursuing evil objectives will only decay as time passes. It is in your interest to cultivate virtue and find the right sort of friends because they will vastly enhance your happiness.
Aristotle’s view on friendship compared to Plato’s
Plato (429-347 BC) presented his perspective on friendship in two of his dialogues, namely, “Lysis” and “Phaedrus.” Plato believed that true friendship was connected to the pursuit of wisdom.
In his dialogue “Lysis,” he argues that friendship is based on similarity and that it rarely develops between individuals who are largely dissimilar in terms of intelligence, knowledge, taste and personal characteristics.
Plato’s observation is correct, but fails to analyse the factors underlying such similarity. Are we talking a physical similarity or intellectual and moral qualities? Does friendship arise only from similarity or are there other reasons? Are friendships less intense when the similarities are only superficial?
In “Lysis,” Plato theorizes that friendship rests on harmony and affinity between souls, but his definition of soul remains vague. Plato speaks of “inseparable bonds” between the souls of friends, but his arguments fall more in the realm of poetry than in the realm of philosophy.
In “Phaedrus,” Plato attributes friendship to a form of divine inspiration that leads the concerned individuals to seek higher truths. Plato’s theory appears disconnected from facts because there are manifestly millions of cases where friends have zero interest in “seeking higher truths.”
Plato’s views on friendship are as mythical as the rest of his philosophical ideas. His advice on friendship is worthless and should be ignored.
While Aristotle had remarked that, on numerous occasions, friends are together just out of practical interest, Plato created a vision of friendship that has little to do with reality. His views are so deeply delusional that one gets the impression that he was living in a fantasy world.
If you want to develop strong, enduring friendships, you should do much better by following Aristotle’s recommendations. If you are interested in applying Aristotle’s ideas in everyday life, I recommend you my book “The philosophy of builders.”
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